I can’t really spoil any of these movies for you, because I am picking old movies and if you haven’t already seen them, you probably won’t and I am picking movies from the golden age, before Shyamalan twists (hey – that sounds like the new hot dance move) where movies were pretty predictable. This week I watched “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” Who framed him? The guy dressed in black name Judge Doom - it was pretty obvious. But this movie is more than that - it’s a portrait of racism and intolerance in society. These humans (all white by the way) hate “toons” (ie. black people) and banish them to their own part of town. Sounds a lot like segregation to me. “Toons” also sounds a lot like “coons”. For shame Hollywood. The protagonist, Roger Rabbit, is clearly the representative for black people. He wears a bow tie, yells at movies, loves white women and gets sprayed by hoses. I knew Walt Disney was an anti-semite, I didn’t know he was also racist. If they ever reanimate his frozen body I would like to punch him in the face.

This movie was one of the first movies combining human actors and cartoons (way before Avatar or that Paula Abdul video with Skat Cat). It must have been hard acting next to an empty void – probably a lot like acting with Matthew McConaughey. This is also the only time that Disney and Looney Tunes have combined efforts. It’s like when Biggie and Tupac were on that one track together. Outside of Roger Rabbit the movie stars Bob Hoskins as Eddie Valliant - a beaten down detective whose brother was killed by a “toon”. Bob Hoskins also played Super Mario (he got pretty type cast there in the 80s). His brother, who I assume was named Luigi, was killed by Christopher Llyod’s character, which makes him the Bowser of the movie. It also features Roger’s wife Jessica Rabbit, who forever set up an unrealistic body image for women who like to fuck rabbits. The movie features a talking car (or “car toon”) who apparently can think and reason yet can’t drive itself – but later in the movie drives another car. Cars driving cars? What’s next? Gay people marrying? According to Republicans that leads to bestiality. Oh wait, Roger is already putting it to Jessica rabbit style. This must be set in the future.

The plot is pretty simple. Roger thinks Jessica is playing patty cake with someone else (if patty cake is equal to cheating those girls on the corner are real whores) and the studio hires Valliant to spy on her. In doing he has to help Roger uncover who framed him for the murder of Marvin Acme, owner of Acme Corporations and Toontown. The framer, as spoiled above, was Judge Doom who wants to destroy all “toons” and turn Toontown into a rest stop for a freeway. In order to do so he needs to get rid of all “toons”. Doom needed a way to destroy a “toon” (apparently he never heard Avril Lavigne’s cover of “Imagine” - Boo-ya) so he invents a chemical that removes “toons” (a simple eraser would have worked, but whatever). Valliant thwarts the efforts and saves Roger and Jessica from Doom only to discover Doom was a “toon” as well. So, Doom hated “toons” even though he was one – what an Uncle Tom. It’s no wonder Hanna-Barbera turned down the opportunity to also be involved with this movie. No way would Magilla Gorilla have stood for this racist shit.